But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous.
One of the most important things they never teach us in sex ed is that our bodies can feel pleasure, and that is actually very important. As it turns out, not every body feels pleasure the same way. It's also important to note that not everyone is neurotypical, so on top of all the other ways we vary, all our nervous systems don't work in exactly the same way.
The media may have women believing that every orgasm is a loud, over-the-top, Meg Ryan-level proclamation of ecstasy, but the truth is, that's usually not the case. Quiet, noisy, moderate, intense — just like sex, orgasms come in all shapes and sizes. Yes, really.
Verified by Psychology Today. Depending on whose statistics you believe and how they are gathered, anywhere from 30 percent to 75 percent of women do not experience orgasm through intercourse alone. Some of the confusion lies in how the question is phrased during the information gathering.
Whether your new to sex or have been doing it for years, it's not crazy to wonder if you're experiencing the type of payout you're due. With so many sensations and feelings happening during a romp, understanding how to tell if you've had an orgasm can get a little murky. Maybe certain places felt good for a long time, but they didn't create the giant firework explosions you wanted.
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In the now infamous scene, she goes on and on moaning, writhing, and generally making a lot of noise to a shocked diner audience. Movie viewers are led to believe that having an orgasm has a lot to do with screaming, but that's not exactly helpful for a woman with genuine questions about how to know if you orgasmed. Thankfully, there is a way to know if you've actually hit that climax.
Okay, first, there's one thing we can all do to improve our sex lives immensely. It doesn't require technique or encyclopedic knowledge. In fact—it doesn't even require a partner. This one thing and my very first suggestion to you is to stop comparing yourself and your experiences to others!
It feels great, too. Because he is a generous lover, he turns to you with stars in his eyes and asks, "Did you finish too? If you're one of the lucky women for whom the Hollywood depictions of orgasms are reality, maybe this isn't even a question.